Amore di sé

Fuck it all

Sleep is needed

Update: snapchat app deleted
Reason: jealousy, disgusting, stomach churning jealousy

'Can't bear to look, but cannot bear to look away'

I needed to let that out. None of this makes sense - reality, it seems, is not quite so.

Knowing that the company at the party would be horrendous consoles me to an extent but that jealousy… Oh, the jealousy that they can mindlessly enjoy partying and intoxication without the slightest worry is more than I can bear.

Since I was 15 I’ve been going to party’s and as fucking petty and stupid as it all sounds I need them. They’re like breaks from the bleak reality of work work work WORK. God, it’s all gone to shit.

Is this what I’m going to feel like for the next year? Is this how it’s going to go. Opportunities surpassed due to insistence on being respectful to ones dignity. Dignity? If dignity means sacrificing social outings necessary for my survival then fuck it.

Why is it that I don’t fit in anywhere why can’t I just fucking SETTLE. I want to be real and I want to be good but fuck knows I don’t want to be left with no social life it’s so fucking confusing and awful and I hate it

Just a quick reminder of the excruciating pain of being replaced and forgotten about… Not the full extent but enough to make you want to stop feeling

- from your aching heart and stomach, miserable